Can you believe its been a year already since we started virtually
crossing borders together?? At the year mark I was so thankful to go home for a
bit and sit my butt down. I got to take a
look at myself and see what the first year of travel has taught me. Literally and figuratively, I got to drop off
old baggage that was weighing me down and conscientisize the new tools that I
have acquired. I apologize in advance
cuz this is gonna be a long entry, but I guess thats a good sign cuz it means I´ve
learned a lot! So I separated the entry into sections so you can read what
interests you…
I´m leaving behind…
Uno. Striving
for ¨Perfection¨
One time Daniel, Joaquin, and I were hired to do a circus cabaret in a
bar. Fifteen minutes before the show was
supposed to start, we hadn´t talked about lights or music and the boys were
still painting their faces. I was so stressed I thought my head was going to
burst. I couldn´t understand why
everyone was so calm! Just before show time, we quickly told the owner of the
bar which songs were for what acts and we ran off to start the show. It was amazing! As we did our thing everyone,
the waiters, the owner´s wife and even the audience organized around the
success of our show. (Everything is relative of course cuz I think Daniel and
Joaquin, both Mexican, felt that the place
was tough because people expected a well put together show…) Lights came on
when they were needed, the music was adjusted as we went, and when we made mistakes,
we smiled knowingly at the audience and for the most part they smiled back,
enjoying our shared humanity. What??! You mean perfection is not expected?? I
could talk for hours about how this space to mess up has calmed my mind and
spirit. What a healthy thing to feel that my humanity is valued and that the
goal is not to execute tasks like a flawless machine.
Dos. The Fast
Life- Impatience
A very smart man told me that impatience is born in priveledge. When you
gotta wait for the bus, which is not tryng to accomodate you, you can learn
fast that impatience doesn´t serve you.
In my experience down here, I can be as impatient as I want but it ain´t gonna change the fact that people
are gonna stop and chat with neighbors
and enjoy their morning coffee and arrive to our appointment when they get
there. The buses are gonna run late and
maybe not even come and the excuse of traffic will always be a valid reason for
tardiness no matter how long one has lived in the same city with the same
amount of traffic. So I have no other
option than to sloooow down. After
getting used to it, it´s pretty great. I
find that I experience more fully each moment because I´m not so worried about
what time I have to arrive to the next moment. Of course I will admit that sometimes it
drives me batty because things take FOREVER.
Even in the restaurants (nonturistic), they aren´t necessarily trying to
accomodate you. You could sit in a
restaurant for 30 minutes before the waitress even talks to you and then it
will take another 30 for your food to come out.
Uufff and if you ask for a change to your food thats different from
what´s on the menu, good luck!! But I
really think that this slower rythym of things and less accomodation has helped
me focus less on what I want and more on what I have.
Tres. Not Honoring My Needs
You´ll never guess what I´ve found out that I need at this stage in my
development…
I don´t need to know how I´m getting from Colombia to Peru or who I´ll
be living with a week from now. I don´t
need more than a backpack of clothes for a two year trip. I don´t need a job or a house or a car. But you know what I need? Nice shampoo.
Sometimes I´ve judged myself for spending the $ that I could use to eat
for a week on a bottle of nice shampoo, especially when I´m meeting groups of
people who dont even use soap. They bathe themselves in saunas using their own
sweat to cleanse themselves of toxins. They smell like coffee and sweet corn. They
use the natural oil of their skin to keep their skin soft instead of fancy
Victorias Secret lotion. Honestly, I think that makes a lot more sense but you
know what? It brings me peace and happiness to run my fingers through my soft
hair and I cant WAIT to get home to be able to use my delicious smelly good
lotion!!!
Cuatro. Shame About Being From the US
Okay let´s face it, we don´t not have the best reputation in the
world. Down here, among many things, we
are known for what´s on T.V., Hollywood, tourists who unknowingly support the
exploitation of the people and land of a nation, and the actions of our
government which more often then not are so heavily based on our financial
interests that they clash with cultures whose tend to place more value on human
relations. I love my country and
the people in it but because I was always so blind to the actions of my
government outside of our borders, it was a huge shock when I arrived to Mexico
and began to learn why people perceive us as they often do. Sometimes its been hard to stay grounded in
the things I love about my country when learning about the countless US
supported genocides and our government´s tendency to support the policial party
that most suites our financial and power interests regardless of how
horrifically oppressive the regime may be.
And when I say support I don´t mean ¨Yeh! Go team!!¨ from the side
lines. I mean providing the ammunition
and training to kill civilians and execute leaders that have been chosen by the
people. This is so hard for me to
stomach. And I was ashamed that I didn´t
know that all this was done in my name.
But I´m leaving that shame behind. Part of the reason I´m on this trip is to educate
myself about these realities and there are plenty of people all over the world
that don´t know what their government is doing when they are not looking. The US is a beautiful place where incredible
things are born and I am standing tall saying that I´m from the US and showing
that we are so much more than many think we are.
And finally… Cinco. Disappointment at the Lose
of My Team/Anger at Joaquin
What can I say about this… I guess just simply that I was carrying
around a lot of weight from the disappointment of the lose of the original team
I planned to travel with. And a lot of hurt for how things went down with Joaquin. (See
Cartoon 16: Holy Shit). But at this point in
my healing I am so thankful that we decided to jump into this crazy dream
together. Just because it didn´t turn out
how I ´d hoped doesn´t mean it was
unsuccessful. Joaquin and I did an
incredible amount of learning together and I would never be on this amazing
journey without his influence. I would
have never learned that I, and I believe everyone, have the ability to find
what we need (food, clothing, shelter, love, and nice shampoo) wherever we are because the world and its
people are generous and we don´t need half of what we think we do. Feeling grateful to him (and Daniel) has
helped me release the pain and find love and amazement in its place.
So for those of you
who have made it all the way to the end of this entry, I greatly appreciate
your patience. I know this is a fast world and it means a lot when we find the
time to witness each other and share our experience. |