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| My forehead leaned against the window, I watched the lights of Rio de Janeiro fade into an unfocused yellow glow and then into black as the dark clouds of the night came between me and the earth. |
This is the end of a two year love story with a passionate, warm and sometimes more than slight machista. Present focused, rebellious and romantic. Full of contradictions, anger and corruption. Tie-dyed with the colors of a million rich traditions and deeply moved by culture and art. Wandering through the corridors of her mind changed mine. Her stories made me laugh, cry, clinch my fists and raise my eye brows up so high they kissed my hairline. As I left, she smiled like almost always and assured me 'I will be with you always', her words a challenge to live out her lessons of resistance and celebration, dance and music as liberation.
I closed my eyes and then opened them again to watch the sunrise over my homeland's skies. My ears were filled with the chatter of momentary traveling companions sharing stories in the thick delicious accents of the Southern U.S.A. My heart filled with so many emotions, my body began to relax, and my lips started flappin' forming familiar phrases and smiles of fraternity with my countrymen and women. I felt as if I was speaking a language that I didn't know I knew.
And then a wave of fear, 'What did I just do??? I will never be whole again! I will always be stuck between worlds with pieces of my heart planted all over the Americas!' A wave of hope and peace came... May these pieces prove resilient and offer lasting fruits to my family who I have left behind in each place. What an amazing thing to discover that my family is not as small as I thought it was. That in fact I have brothers and sisters all over the world just waiting to make magic as our paths cross again or for the first time.
Again I began to contract, wondering
who I am, wondering how returning to my home city will be and how I will fit in. I fight for the
willingness and celebration of the unknown that I've practiced so much in
the last few years.
I breathed and tried to release and trust, letting my wise body and open heart into the driver's seat.
My body memory took over again and delighted me with her ease in communication. 'I'm actually understanding everything that is going on ha!!', I thought. I felt the plane jiggle and jolt and soon my toes tickled the hot asphalt of ATL.
Beautiful green glittering leaves on fluffy full tress.
Sweet smells of honey suckle and magnolia carried on the warm humid breeze.
Giggles and squeals of my family coming to embrace me.
I am home now. And now I know I always was home, I just didn't know it yet.
This being the last post and all, I'd like to take a moment to send huge shouts out to the folks who have accompanied me on this path. Thank you! You have been a true inspiration and sometimes one of the only connections I could find when feeling lost out in this huge world. I've said it before and I'll say it again... it has meant sooo much to me to share these experiences and have people (to name a few Nedra, Ben, Emilia, Kasumi, Kelly Bean, Faithy, Chris, Donald, Eugenie, Jose, Chang, Sandra, Sarah, Joyce, Aleta, Aunt Dujy, Mom, Dad, Chels, Gramma, Mariana and so many others) who bounced back ideas and reflections and support. I love ya'll and les llevo en mi corazon!
ReplyDeleteSara, it's been such a wonderful and exciting experience to share pieces of your exploration with you. When you first told me about the idea of a two-year trip through Latin America I couldn't have imagined it as it turned out to be -and these surprising elements are so much better than confirming what one knows in advance. We all spend much of our time trying to confirm the definitions we have of life, and we try to adapt all sorts of circumstances so they fit those definitions. We even take events and actions as proof that our definitions are the right ones. However, when we take the chance to embrace other perspectives and meanings of life, we are also wakening our powerful and beautiful capacity to connect: with other human beings, other landscapes, other creatures, with the world and our uniqueness.
ReplyDeleteI used some of your posts in some of my classes; in a way I lived my own dream of a Latin American trip; I got worried and anxious when I didn't know where were you; I laughed with you when you told me about incredibly ridiculosas adventures; I discovered the way you felt about certain things; it was a beautiful thing when I could be with you in difficult times and an honor to see how you overcame all sorts of difficulties...
I can only imagine how your trip opened up uncountable possibilities that were just unimaginable (and impossible) not only for you, but to a network of people that were somehow affected by your decisions. It's something magical when we realize the true importance of our presence and will in the world. Pure magic...
Love,
Mariana
I totally understand if this is the end of your travel writing for now, but you've gotta at least keep up the cartooning for us. I'm gonna have to f.b. stalk you otherwise.
ReplyDeleteThese trips can change us, if we let them. It's easy to pull off the alchemy of living in the moment out on the road but back home its not always as obvious how these lessons fit in to our familiar routines. It is a kind of epiphany to realize that you're still on the same planet, in the same life- you're still the same person you've made yourself into once you get back home.
Todo lo mejor a la unica americano q conocia en mis meses en bogota! peace -ben
Sara, it has been over five years since I've seen or heard from you, and I have not the slightest idea if you ever check this page anymore or not. I just wanted to reach out to you, in a more out there way, and tell you that I feel so incredibly lucky to have gotten the chance to know you. I will forever admire and love you wholeheartedly. I hope that wherever you are, you're still dancing and smiling as much as I remember. I'm sending you an abundance of love, light, and adventure.
ReplyDeleteThere isn't a doubt in my mind that we won't again cross paths, so, until then. All my love,
Taos.
Taaaoossss!!! It so amazing to read you!!! I have tears in my eyes. Okay now they're on my cheeks... now on my shirt and hands and all over the key board oh dear!! What a wonderful time we had together. Your family is so dear to me. You are so dear to me!! I was so fortunate to be received and held by such sweet, generous, fun, creative people. We have to find a way to meet again!
ReplyDeleteAre you still doing aerial? Im living in Atlanta, this is the group Im working with: https://makeshiftcircus.wordpress.com
Heres the project we r working on: https://www.facebook.com/racecircusproject/?fref=ts
What are you up too? :) :)
So sooooo much love to you beautiful being,
Sara